I kicked the hornet nest and the hornets had guns

About three weeks ago on Twitter, I posted a tweet that provoked a huge reaction. Even now, it is still occasionally being Re-Tweeted and has been shared nearly 500 times the last I looked. 

It was my reaction to the National Rifle Association's (the right wing group that ferociously supports gun ownership within the US) response to the horrific slaughter of Sandy Hook Elementary School children in Connecticut. Their remedy to this most dreadful of events was to suggest placing an armed guard or two in every school in that country.

Not unlike many people, the thought of this horrified me. When you're living in a land of over 11,000 gun related murders a year, the thought of trying to remedy this by introducing even more guns defies logic. Plus it's all the worse when you consider the potential consequences of having guns permanently within such close proximity to groups of children. When did fighting fire with fire solve anything?

One of the main arguments gun enthusiasts use to justify their ownership is of course the 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution - the decree that the public may bear arms (despite the fact that two centuries ago, guns were more like pea shooters and incapable of inflicting mass casualties in a short period of time). It's this entrenched mindset that I really sought to question and so my tweet read thus:

"Maybe within the evolution of a peaceful society, a right that was written 225 years ago, has now been outgrown & become unnecessary"

Now, expressing something that you feel quite deeply about in just 140 characters is not always an easy task, especially for someone like me who could answer even a simple question like whether I wanted a cup of tea with a couple of sides of A4, weighing up the pros (nice taste and health benefits) and cons (making me get up in the night to wee like a race horse). And yet this forced brevity cuts out the waffley fat and compels you to choose each word carefully. 

The point I really wanted to get across was that nothing in life is permanent and set in stone. Everything changes. Even the most worthwhile beliefs and rules eventually outlive their usefulness and have to adapt and change themselves in order to remain effective. Even a constitutional right shouldn't, in my opinion, contribute to or justify the horrendous slaughter of innocent people (whether that be in a school, cinema, shopping mall or wherever).

Of course, I appreciated that this kind of stance would not be to everyone's taste. This is why I tried to frame it in a really gentle way. The 'maybe' at the start, is just an invitation to give this idea some thought. I'm not suggesting it's definitely right. All I would want is for people to consider the possibility that there are good reasons to make some changes and ponder on what the best course of action might be, rather than jumping automatically back into a mindset that has been passed onto them for generations that almost worships this type of weaponry.

It's hard to say for sure, but the feeling I got (and that's all I have to base this on, nothing more concrete) was that the vast majority of people who shared this tweet were sympathetic to the intention behind it. This really encourages me, but I wasn't looking to preach to the converted on this issue. I really wanted to sow a seed of possibility in the minds of those people who aren't usually open to considering other points of view.

And boy oh boy did my tweet reach those people! Whether it did anything to change their minds on anything by even a micron I will never know. It's entirely possible it just made them more defensive and fixed in their views than ever. Who can say? But I'm pleased to have made some kind of contribution to the debate if nothing else. 

you can’t say that, it’ll end free speech

As expected, I received many, many responses from outraged citizens of the US who were enraged by what I had suggested.

One of the main reactions was to deflect away from the debate entirely and suggest that by adjusting or removing the 2nd amendment, we may as well do away with the whole constitution altogether, especially the 1st amendment relating to free speech. 

I found this really interesting. Instead of having a debate on gun controls, which given the circumstances was desperately needed and sensible to have, many gun supporters tried to move the discussion onto a thoroughly ridiculous proposition - the removal of free speech.

Pretty much everybody would agree that free speech is a wonderful thing that should be encouraged. Of course I wasn't suggesting any change to that. But I guess it's easier to argue against someone who is proposing something absolutely ludicrous, rather than the point in hand.

peace? what peace?

Another popular comeback was based around my suggestion that society is peaceful. Many people argued that we actually live in a dreadfully violent society and therefore "we need guns now more than ever".

I appreciate that this may have been easy to misinterpret - especially given that the way most people consume information on Twitter happens very rapidly, often with little attention paid to the subtle details. The key here was to read and understand the word 'evolution' as well. 

I'm not saying that society is entirely peaceful. Obviously it varies from place to place and time to time, depending on a wide variety of circumstances. It was more a suggestion that the aspiration of any civilisation is to grow and develop into as peaceful a place as possible. All citizens benefit from this and my belief is that deep down in the hearts of us all, we desire peace and harmony. Although there is drama and trouble on the surface of our lives much of the time, stability and peace is a state we would all like to strive for.

In summary, 'evolution of a peaceful society' points to where we would like to go, not where we are right now.

why do you even care a bunch of kids got killed?

Although it went largely unnoticed by many of my correspondents, some did realise that I was British (a 'red coat' according to some). Why are you even interested in any of this, they asked. I explained that, the culture of the US is pervasive, seeping into most of the rest of the world. Not to mention that a school massacre had just taken place and maybe an impartial observer is better placed to offer some ideas on how to solve the problem. 

This met with one of the most disturbing responses I received to my tweet. The gist of it was that school massacres happen all the time, everywhere. It's only because the USA is so prominent that theirs gets world attention. Basically, the Sandy Hook incident was just an everyday occurrence across the globe. A symptom of modern society that can be brushed off like car accidents and spam emails.

was Jesus packing a piece?

A fairly common characteristic of the gun supporters who contacted me was, according to their Twitter bios, that they were Christian. 

Now, the last thing I want to do is get embroiled in a religious debate. But it did occur to me that, so far as I understand it, Jesus never carried a weapon. His teachings of forgiveness and healing, of 'turning the other cheek' seems to me to be a philosophy at odds with someone who wishes to mete out their own justice with a firearm. 

I was genuinely interested to see how people squared these two conflicting views, but unfortunately, the conversation was always terminated by them before an answer was offered.

it's just not cricket 

My communications also revealed many, what I would describe as 'misconceptions'. It worried me that that these were sincerely held views, genuinely believed by those who offered them.

For example, someone was convinced that in the UK, 'the weapon of choice is a baseball bat'. This person thought that, because every normal person would want to arm themselves, in this country where private gun ownership is minuscule, we all have a baseball bat under our beds.

When I pointed out that I know of nobody here who owns a baseball bat, they conceded that it must, in that case be a cricket bat that we all have instead (alas I’ve not owned one of these since I was 12). They then entered into a conversation with a fellow gun enthusiast about the pros and cons of a baseball bat versus a cricket bat as a weapon. For the record, it was decided that whilst the cricket bat had some sharper edges, a baseball bat had overall better balance.

Another genuinely held belief by one person was that, 'in Sweden, everyone carries a gun or two' and thus ownership was far more prevalent there than in the US. I actually felt compelled to check the statistics on this one. It transpired that the US actually has three times more guns owned per person. 

delusions of grandeur

The biggest and to me, saddest misconception of them all was that public gun ownership is needed so that people may defend themselves from a tyrannical government. I was sent posters depicting heads of state from history who enforced gun control and then killed masses of the populace. I tried to point out that these were dictators of countries where all freedoms had been removed or never existed.

Many, many of the gun supporters genuinely seem to feel that they are the only thing keeping the US government at bay by owning their weapons. If they didn't have them, that would be that, the government would start killing and using the people as they saw fit.

These people actually believe that if push came to shove, they would be able to defend themselves against the might of an organised army with gunships, tanks and goodness knows what other hardware at their disposal.

A bit like with the conversation about Jesus, I never received an answer once I put forward the idea that if the US government truly wanted to, they could become a tyrannical regime tomorrow, regardless of how many citizens have guns to hand.

The fear and paranoia displayed by the people I communicated with was alarming. Combined with ignorance (not to mention terrible grammar) the fact that these people own guns seems wrong on so many levels.

I just hope that somewhere out there is a gun owner or two who are truly brave enough to say, 'enough is enough' and lay down their weapon. 

Sweet retweets

I have a confession to make - I have never understood why, when it is someone's birthday, we often say to them, "many happy returns!". Nobody else seems to have a problem with it, but to me it doesn’t really make sense.

I looked up this phrase in a dictionary, and all it gave as a definition was, "just something that people say to others on their birthday, but nobody even knows why lol". This was the same dictionary that had removed the word "gullible" from its pages mind you.

Nevertheless, when it comes to that special day when we celebrate the fact that x number of years ago, you caused your mother unspeakable pain before slithering out of her distended vagina, I still say this confusing phrase to people. But when I do, it's always slightly hesitant in case they reply with, "excuse me, but what does that even mean?"

The only explanation I'd be able to give is, "Erm, well, yeah, obviously by 'many happy returns', I mean that your presents all look pretty rubbish, so I hope you really enjoy returning them for something better. Here's the receipt for my gift by the way. Yeah I know, but it looks more expensive, right?"

This morning I tweeted something to this effect (though obviously it was much more condensed thanks to the 140 character limit). I was thrilled that it got a couple of retweets.

For those of you that aren't familiar with Twitter (here I'm thinking of you mum, and also the person who has accidentally ended up on my blog because the Toby King they googled was the Panamanian reggae singer and not the renowned artist, photographer and blogger who’s a bit up himself), a retweet or 'RT' as it's known in the world of Twitter where every unabbreviated word takes up precious space, is where somebody reads a tweet and likes it so much, they consequently decide to share it with their followers so they might enjoy it too.

Some people can get really quite obsessed with getting RTs off of others. The tacit approval they represent can prove quite addictive. For me it's especially true when you tweet something that could be deemed as rather obscure like my many happy returns joke. I get quite a a euphoric and reassured feeling when it turns out that other people might be on the same wavelength as me. Maybe I’m not quite such a freak after all!

If you post something that you think is funny, but it gets no RTs or any other responses at all, it kind of feels like you've made a joke in a crowded room but the only response is deathly silence (and probably an embarrassed cough, some awkward shuffling and the distant sound of a mewling infant).

So conversely, when it seems to resonate with other people too, it's like your head fills with canned laughter and you feel accepted and validated somehow.

Although they are nice and often genuinely warm my heart, over the years I have learned not to get too hung up on RTs or the absence of them. I know from my own experience of reading tweets, sometimes you see something you enjoy and it may even make you laugh, but still you don't RT it.

There can be several reasons for this. Sometimes my attention has already been grabbed by the next tweet, or I've already RTd lots of other people in a short time and feel like I've done my duty for a while. Sometimes I've lost signal on my phone or had to put it away abruptly as somebody else needs to use this toilet cubicle. And there are even times when I decide something is far too funny for its own good so there's no way I'm going to share that because I'm cross I didn't think of it myself.

Despite being aware of these and many other reasons why people haven’t shared our jokes, we still appear to think that we have developed super-powered magical abilities where we know exactly what other people are thinking about us!

If we get a RT, people think we’re super cool! If we don’t, everyone hates us! We build this false image in our head of how we think we are perceived by others which is always bound to be warped and fall short of the truth.

More than once I’ve tweeted something that I thought was hilarious but didn’t get a single response. So I ended up thinking to myself, actually yeah, that was pretty lame. But then, a while later a couple of people did RT it after all. Suddenly my mindset has changed as I then think to myself, actually I knew it was funny. I can be such a fickle, insecure so and so.

In summary, although no response to a tweet can sometimes feel like a deathly silence, its still likely that is was actually enjoyed nonetheless. And if it wasn’t, who cares? It’s only flipping Twitter!

Now, contrary to the above, sometimes a RT is quite the opposite of a sign that it was approved of and enjoyed. Some people, especially one of my followers in particular, will RT something and often follow it up with a disparaging comment.

Generally I've got no problem with this, especially when someone has expressed what to you seems to be a ridiculous, extreme view. A RT can be the easiest way to highlight it and say, "crikey, look what this wazzock has just said!"

But it does seem almost cowardly if you consistently do so, without then also addressing your concerns to the original tweeter. Mocking someone whilst trying to remain anonymous is just snide (and consequently my nickname for the person who does this bitching from the safety of their own tweets is Snidey Sniderson - one more to add to the list in my previous post - which incidentally, I’m still not going to reveal the identities of, so don’t ask).

Ultimately, as with anything in life, it's the process of actually doing it, of coming up with a humorous tweet that should be enjoyed, not any plaudits that may follow it (however much they might stroke one’s ego).

Having said that, now all that remains for you to do (except for you mum and the reggae fan) is RT this post because you enjoyed it so much!

*silence*

Hello? Hello!?

*taps screen*

Pah! Seriously? Screw you guys. 

Twype Casting

If you're a football fan, you'll no doubt know who the late, great Sir Bobby Robson was. For those of you who don't know him (probably the women and poofters among you), he was a legendary football manager and all round thoroughly nice chap. But he was also famous for forgetting and muddling people's names. This wasn't any sign of dementia, it was something that he'd done throughout his life.

One time, a reporter asked one of his players called Shola Ameobi, what Sir Bobby called him - an interesting question to address to someone with an unusual name given Sir Bobby's propensity for mispronouncing them. Ameobi's slightly sheepish reply was "Carl Cort" (another player from his squad).

I often feel that I myself suffer from a bit of Bobby Robson Name Syndrome. It usually takes a good half dozen encounters before I get it fixed in my head what to call someone. By the end of a phone conversation, I've often forgotten who it is I'm talking to. If you're called Rachael, it's highly probably I'll call you Rebeca and vice versa. It's nothing personal of course, just that my brain doesn't seem to be wired up correctly in the naming department.

It's bad enough in the real world, but social media has opened up a whole new area of confusion for me. I love using Twitter, but sometimes find it all a bit overwhelming. Every few seconds a new message will crop up in my timeline and it can be really hard to keep track of what's going on. I follow over 2000 people, which added to the fact that I'm a bit slow and forgetful anyway, makes it nearly impossible to remember who everyone is.

Unlike on Facebook where I tend to actually know the majority of my friends there (although 'friends' is pushing it a bit - it’s more people that I just can't seem to shake off), most of my Twitter followers are, or at least start off as, total strangers. So I haven't even got past shared experiences to help jog my memory of who is who.

Added to this, people are also prone to regularly change their profile pictures and, in some cases, even their usernames. This often throws me completely and I'll end up trying to carrying on a conversation with someone that I've never spoken to before.

So what does a feeble minded man do to try and navigate this minefield in order to avoid making 'beaucoup de name related faux pas?'

Twitter nicknames of course! Or ‘Twicknames’ as they shall be known because it is Twitter law to prefix anything Twitter related with a ‘t’ and a ‘w’ (let’s hope there is never a Twitter hat project).

To explain: there are certain people on Twitter who I end up giving my own little name or more accurately, description to. I find this helps me keep track much more easily than relying on usernames and photos alone. This isn't something I've done deliberately, just something that over time, my mind conjured up all by itself to help me out.

So I thought it might be fun to list a few of them here. Maybe you'll recognise yourself or someone else! But don't bother to ask me as I'm not going to identify who any of them are - that's just between me and my brain.

I apologise in advance if this makes anyone feel paranoid, but your mental well being is not as important as my fun and games, so stop reading if you think you could get huffy. The chances are you're not in the list (but don't get huffy if you think I've missed you out either).

Some Twicknames / Twescriptions

The one with the face like a Victorian doll - she's pretty but her face does look like it could be made of porcelain. Suspect her eyes shut automatically when you tip her backwards and she only comes to life at night, having spent the day on an old lady's bedside shelf.

The one who looks like she'd smell of cheese - hard to put your finger on why you think someone might smell of cheese, but she does look a bit whiffy. Quite greasy hair and wears the kind of clothes that look like they could well have Edam rind in the pockets.

The one whose cheeks I want to pinch - she has such a lovely, smiley face, kind of like a giant baby. If I knew her in real life, I wouldn't be able to resist tweaking her cheeks every time I saw her and would probably consequently be up on assault charges.

The one who's well meaning but stupid - thick but smiles a lot.

The one everyone else seems to find funny, but I think is a dick - honestly can't see his appeal. Painfully unfunny tweets, but everyone seems to love him. Suspect he's actually a bot and part of some kind of Twitter experiment to prove that most people are stupid.

The one who doesn't have a clue how beautiful she is - so many girls on Twitter seem to think they're inadequate in some way. Our current culture appears to have skewed what people regard as pretty or beautiful and this saddens me. This one especially has no need to feel anything but pride in her appearance. Could just be an attention seeker though.

The one who knows full well how beautiful she is - if you've got it, flaunt it I guess. Suspect she ALWAYS gets her own way.

The one who thinks she's way more beautiful than she really is - oh lordy, what are you doing? And never, ever post pictures like that again. Please never breed.

The one who looks beautiful in her thumbnail avi, but a right state when you see it full size - so deceptive, as illustrated by the example below:

The one who takes the most dreadful photos ever - oh they're just horrid. I'm all for people following & sharing a passion, but not if it makes my eyes bleed.

The one who comes across as very bigoted - looks like a pig too, so yes, naturally enough I call them 'pigot'.

The one who only seems to tweet me back once a month - Oi! I thought we were having a conversation! But no. Suspect they're on some kind of pay-as-you-go twitter scheme where each tweet costs them money, or a beloved pet.

The one who always seems to retweet my tweets - most likely my mum.

The one who is fat, bald, four-eyed and likes the sound the sound of his own tweets - actually a pretty amazing guy who writes a wonderful blog. Small penis.

So there we are. Ring any bells? Suspect you may recognise some of the characteristics from your own timeline as I’m sure many of these traits are quite common in Twitter land.

New ones of these keep cropping up, so suspect I may well do a follow up post at some point in the future.