Nine Eleven

Although this blog is predominantly meant as a hopefully humorous and lighthearted take on things, sometimes it does stray into darker areas (e.g. posts about dead dogs and religious indoctrination of our children).

Even when covering these more serious subjects, I still try to do so in a way that is hopefully thought provoking without being totally up myself.

Don't imagine for a minute that I actually know what I'm going to end up writing in each post though. I start each one with a general idea, but more than once it has turned into something completely different. I really love the spontaneity this gives and it makes writing each one much more enjoyable for me.

Today is one of those days where I intended to write about something (3D tv of all things) but have ended up skewing off course onto a different subject altogether before even getting started. Don't worry, the 3D tv post will no doubt be with you before long (just as soon as I can figure out how to make the letters all blurry so you can read the post itself in 3D - free sick bags and headache pills will be provided).

But just after getting started today, it suddenly occurred to me to share some thoughts on the tragedy that is 9/11. Possibly the darkest day the world has seen in my lifetime and not a subject to lace with humour.


Obviously this week was the eleventh anniversary of that horrific event. A day that set in motion a series of events that would cost the lives of many, many times the three thousand or so that perished on the day itself.

A couple of years ago, a colleague mentioned that he'd watched a video regarding the conspiracy theories that surround the 9/11 tragedy. My initial reaction was extremely dismissive of the whack jobs who would try and suggest such a thing.

I was guessing that these were the same people who claimed Elvis was still alive and man never walked on the moon.

But a few months later whilst feeling unwell and consequently very bored indeed, I decided to take a look at a few of these conspiracy videos on YouTube (because there are only so many clips of talking cats and helicopter mishaps that one can stand).

I was taken aback by much of what I watched. Although there were some cranks around, it also transpired that there are many level headed, intelligent and well balanced people who are convinced that 9/11 was 'an inside job'.

There are so many odd events surrounding that dreadful day which makes one ask serious questions. Questions which were completely overlooked or brushed over by the official commission set up to investigate what happened (many years after the event and after much reluctance and foot dragging by the Bush administration).

There appears to me to be clear evidence to suggest that the twin towers and more peculiarly, a smaller tower called WTC 7 which suffered no damage from the planes, were demolished with explosives rather than 'knocked over' by the impact of the jets.

In fact, there are some theories which cast doubt on whether some or all of the aeroplanes actually hit the buildings at all. At least not the three hijacked passenger jets (including the one that flew into the Pentagon) that did according to the official account.

There are a couple of instances which show George W Bush, some time after the tragedy, being interviewed about 9/11, specifically on where he was when he first heard about it (something that most people would remember clearly, such was the enormity of the news). He said on at least two separate occasions that whilst he was at a school waiting to give a speech, he had watched the first plane hit the tower on tv.

Of the two clips I saw where he described this, he made a 'joke' about how he'd first thought what a bad pilot it must have been to fly into a building like that (funny George, real funny).

But in actual fact, no footage of the first impact was broadcast on 9/11 itself - it only came to light in the following days. This isn't surprising given that nobody would have expected this event to have happened, so anyone who did film it, would only have done so by accident.

There is no way he could have seen what he said he saw on tv. For whatever reason, he isn't being truthful about when he first learned of the attacks.

In fact, the only 'live' broadcast of an impact on 9/11 was a long distance shot of the second plane hitting. And this appears to show a perfectly intact aeroplane momentarily fly successfully right through the tower itself, before going backwards again and exploding. The conspiracy theorists believe this showed that a hurriedly produced, poorly constructed fake was aired, rather than being a true record of what happened.

But what kind of motive would there be for this most dreadful of acts that is infinitely worse if it could be shown to be self-inflicted?

Maybe the business man who had recently bought the World Trade Centre complex for a few million dollars (it needed vast improvements and asbestos removal that would have cost him tens of millions of dollars more), who then altered the insurance to ensure that the previously exempt event of terrorist attacks were now covered, just weeks before the strike and consequently netted himself around $3 billion in profits.

Many also suggest that this attack supposedly by Osama Bin Laden's Al Qaida (who issued a statement shortly after the attack denying all knowledge and involvement) was a 'false flag' operation, where higher echelons of the US government attacked their own country, in order to create a false enemy. This gave them an outwardly legitimate reason to invade countries in the middle east (and secure the ownership of or favourable terms with the valuable oilfields there, whilst also keeping them away from other superpowers such as China, Russia and India).

There are many anomalies in the official version of events compared to what is easily obtainable for all to see. Having watched many hours of footage - both for and against the idea that 9/11 was not just a simple attack by terrorists - I believe the balance of evidence suggests that something far more sinister than first suspected happened that day.

I know it is upsetting, but if you can stomach it, I'd urge you to pop over to YouTube and search for "9/11 conspiracy theory documentaries" and spend a while watching some. This will allow you to come to your own conclusions.

This week in the UK, we've seen some damning evidence to show that the Hillsborough football tragedy was, whilst not deliberately planned, did suffer with a massive cover up from the authorities regarding their failings.

Obviously it's a completely different set of circumstances but it does show that those in authority will bend the facts and downright lie in order to protect themselves. In order to truly respect the unfortunate souls who lost their lives then and since, the truth really should be revealed.

Who knows whether this will ever happen? If you come to the same conclusion as me from having seen the alternative viewpoints, the deceit and lies will make you furious, terrified and deeply upset all at the same time. But surely it is better to know what some people are capable of, however upsetting that may be.

Let the truth speak for itself!

I think autumn (or 'fall' for my friends over the other side of the Atlantic that drive on the wrong side of the road, bless you), is one of my favourite times of year. It's greatly helped this year by the truly magnificent September weather that we're having. They call this an Indian summer, yet I still haven't seen any elephants which greatly disappoints.

Beautiful sunshine that is pleasantly warm but not too hot, is mixed with fresher mornings and evenings where the stars and planets twinkle in the clear dark skies. The only thing I'm not liking about it is a very lousy display by our apple tree who has managed to produced just a solitary fruit this year (and that dropped off way before reaching succulent maturity).

I've always loved this time of year, but when I was younger it was thoroughly spoilt by having to return to the bedlam of school after a lovely summer break. Even now the sights, smells and feelings that autumn evokes, trigger a rising panic in my belly. I suddenly fear that I've not bought a new pencil case or completed any summer homework assignments.

I've seen some dear, almost doll-like, tiny children these past couple of weeks, who I guess are in their very first year of education. They walk along carrying their little folders with a mixture of slight bewilderment and immense pride. It amazes me just how young they start their learning.

And it was this that reminded me about what I really want to blog about today - religion, or more specifically, religious education.

I've no idea what life in a primary school is like these days, but when I started there in the latter part of the 70's, there was a massive emphasis on the teaching of Christianity. Our unquestioning little minds (such is the way that nature has designed the brain of the child) were filled every single day with bible stories and hymns praising Jesus and encouraging good deeds.

I appreciate the good intentions of those handing out this message, for I genuinely believe they were trying to mould young minds to think of others and behave in a way that respects the wider world.

But although I couldn't articulate it at that age, even then I felt troubled that the message implied that 'good people' were only those who followed the teachings of the bible and by implication, if you did not, you were destined to end up in some very deep and fiery shit.

My biggest problem was always around why it was we should believe that the bible is the word of god and our instruction book of how to live and behave in this world. As I got older, I would tentatively ask this question of my elders when the opportunity arose, only to be quoted a passage from the bible itself that stated it was indeed the true source of god's word. Hmm...hardly an independent verification is it?

Of course, one of the key parts of any Christian belief system is 'faith'. I soon learned that when this magic word was mentioned, I was supposed shut up, 'just believe' and stop my questions. At that age, you genuinely think adults are all-knowing, and it was a genuine shock to me when I reached maturity to find, lo and behold, adults ain't got the first clue what the hell is going on and are just as scared and often more confused as any child.

But I did try and just believe, in exactly the same way as I did in Father Christmas. Every year this rewarded me with a fine selection of gifts, so it didn't seem unreasonable to assume that this Jesus guy was much the same and would surely be giving me a whopping great gift at the end of my days.

But of course, as you do get older, the nagging feelings of doubt get bigger and need to be addressed. My concern about the validity of the bible just wouldn't go away. Why should this book be believed over any of the other great spiritual works of any other religious traditions?

It would appear that some people cover up this doubt by preaching 'the truth' of the bible or whatever religious book it is that you've been brought up on, louder and louder as they get older. Shout loud enough and the dissenting voices will be covered up for some of the time. But deep in your heart you'll be unhappy. And I wonder if this is why some people of certain religions seem hell bent on trying to make everyone else just as unhappy as they are.

Brainwashing is a strong term and maybe 'mental conditioning' is a nicer way to say a similar thing. But that's what I felt had happened to me during my formative years at school. The hymns and parables were entrenched in my head and held me back for a long time before genuinely exploring other religions and ways of thinking.

I eventually came to the conclusion that all religion is an attempt to grasp at the ungraspable and answer the unanswerable - i.e. it's all a bit pointless really. Theory and words can never come close to describing what it is to be human and how to navigate through life.

We all seem to have a spiritual appetite, especially in times of trouble, but my experience has taught me that this needs to be explored, lived and nurtured by each individual. Handing it over to a group of believers of one doctrine or another is a bit of a cop out. You need to live and learn yourself and then come up with your own conclusions.

Attaching labels to everything seems a common trait of human nature. You may decide from reading this that I'm an atheist or humanist or whatever term you wish to use. But I would never describe myself that way. It's not about believing or not believing in something, but following your own path that ultimately leads you to flourish fully as who you really are.

If you genuinely allow that to happen, it's my experience that this will bring you to a place of peace and balance. But if you try and force your way on someone else, you've actually robbed them of their own chance of true happiness. And by 'your way' I mean pretty much anything that you strongly believe in, from ultimate reality to your political views, to what football team you should support.

Share your views like you would your clothes - offer them to others to wear for a while but be understanding when they decide your fashion sense is ridiculous and opt for a different style altogether.

In my opinion, 'religious education' or whatever you want to call it, would be so much better if it equipped kids with the tools that helped them discover themselves, rather than training them to believe a set of doctrines. It should be encouraging them to question everything, rather than blindly accepting what is told in books from many centuries ago.

Although maybe the whole Father Christmas thing isn't so bad, as he still brings be presents even now, the nice old man.

Ungentlemanly Conduct

Throughout history, there have been brave people who have risked their very lives to expose the truth. These whistleblowers have stood at a crossroads and decided the greater good is worthy of the sacrifice they are about to make. They make this decision without the full knowledge of the consequence of their actions. But their gut tells them, even though they cannot bear the load of concealment any longer, it could prove fatal to themselves and their loved ones once released.

It may shock you to learn that, today in this blog post, I am about to join this group of courageous souls.

Forget Julian Assange, hiding away in his cosy Ecuadorian embassy. I will have no place of refuge on Earth or beyond, once I have exposed a secret that is so huge, you’ll wonder how it was ever kept from yourself.

Of course, there are plenty in my brotherhood who do know this truth already. Their worlds will be turned upside down by this revelation and even if they do manage to return to their original axis, their furniture will be out of place and it is likely that ornaments will have smashed.

This is your last chance to stop reading. If you wish to remain undisturbed, return to your business right now. Go make yourself a cup of tea and listen to the Home Service on your  wireless. Walk gayly in the park and pretend that God is in his heaven and all is right with the world.

For the few of you brave enough to remain...here’s the thing.

Gentlemen: polite, courteous, generous and always putting other people first. Or are they?

No. They are not. Or maybe I should say, “we are not”, for I am often accused of gentlemanly kindness. But now, with heavy heart and much shame, it’s time to reveal our true motives.

Every single “gentlemanly” act has a sinister undertone. The real motive behind such behaviour is actually a polar opposite to what is presented to the world.

Let me explain by way of some examples:

Imagine the scene. A gentleman is walking towards a door he is planning on entering. As he gets to it, his evil gentlemanly instincts start to kick in. His highly developed receptors are tuned to maximum wickedness as they tingle with the aroma of Impulse body spray and estrogen. He can hear giggling kittens. He recalls the touch of soft, fleshy rose petals and the taste of cherry Chapstick. Then he turns to confirm what he already knows is there. A lady, also heading toward this very same door.

The normal people among you will be thinking, what’s this? Just walk on through that door mister. Go about your day and leave the pretty young lady out of it.

But the gentleman has his mind on other things. As quick as a flash he adjusts his pace, moving his feet into position, ready to perform his depraved act.

The lady has no idea she is about to walk flush into his dirty trap. She just continues walking, prettying her hair and thinking about what lovely sweet treats she can bake for her husband when he gets home from work, oblivious to the evil plan that has just been hatched a mere two feet away from her.

But it’s too late. The door is held open with a flourish as the gentleman beckons whilst uttering the chilling phrase, “after you...”.

The kindly smile on his face does nothing to betray the evil inner smirk that now spreads violently across his blackened heart. For whilst she continues her journey, grateful for not having had to touch a filthy door knob, she has not a clue that right at that moment she is being mentally ravished.

From the gentleman’s perspective, all he sees as the innocent girl passes through the door is a delicious, rounded posterior, swaying alluringly with each continuing step of its journey. It looks as though he has now let go of the door as he moves through it himself, but inside his mind he’s performing unspeakably indecent acts to that poor lady’s behind.

He may even follow her for a while, like a cat stalking a canary. But even this example falls short of the true malevolence of the situation, for the cat doesn’t imagine the canary in exotic lingerie, before pouncing and ripping her apart.

To the outside observer of this situation, nothing untoward has happened. But those in the know will feel nauseous.

The same is true in the situation where a gentleman gives up his seat for a lady in the crowded Pullman carriage of a train. A chance to rest her dainty, weary legs? Or the opportunity to have a jolly good look down her blouse whilst standing above her for the rest of the journey?

And don’t think the gentleman is above surreptitious insults. The bolder cad may remark to a lady that she’s a “fox”. In common parlance, this has become synonymous with having extremely attractive qualities. This makes the woman titter, thrilled and flattered to be noticed by a gentleman in this way.

In fact, those of us in the know realise that far from being regarded as sexually appealing, the gentleman has just called her sly and cunning, with an excessively hairy brush.

I hope that by revealing these dark truths, that ladies everywhere may feel emboldened to slap the man holding the door open for her; to call for the guard to remove the man offering his seat on the train; and to rip the face off the man comparing her to wild vermin.

May God help us all.