Q: How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
A: Wi' jammin!
Although latest research shows he actually preferred custard but this fact was deliberately distorted by joke writers for comedic effect.
Today's blog is all about jam (as in the sweet, sticky stuff that comes out of a jar (but is not honey), not as in an assembled group of musicians improvising random tunes nor as in a long line of cars full of irate motorists). And for those of you who think I over complicate simple explanations, screw you (as in the politer version of 'fuck you', not as in turn you round and around until you seal a bottle of lemonade).
So anyway, there I was browsing my way through Twitter one day, only to stumble across a cry for help from the Janner Jam company. They were stuck on 666 followers and, unless they quickly gained another, very bad demonic things would surely happen to them.
Naturally I went and changed into my special superhero outfit (which is admittedly rather snug nowadays and in need of a good wash to remove some dubious stains) before clicking on the 'Follow' button and becoming their 667th follower. Suddenly the dark clouds had passed and the sun shined on their little jam factory once again.
If they could have done, I suspect they would have hoisted me aloft their shoulders and paraded me around their town like the saviour I was. Although given that the town is Plymouth, they may well have then sacrificed me to some sea god and shared my charred body parts among the hungry townsfolk.
Thankfully, instead of this grand parade, my reward was a jar of their strawberry jam. Let me just write that down again to make sure you understand. I followed someone on Twitter and in return, they sent me jam. Actual, real life, leave-the-lid-off-and-wasps-and-bees-will-come-and-attack-you-for-it jam. How super flipping amazing is that!?
Amazing that is, unless of course, the jam tastes disgusting. However, I'm pleased to report that the jam is actually properly gorgeous.
As a lover of both toast and cream teas, I'm au fait with many different flavours and brands of jam. Unlike with most things, I really do know what I'm talking about. And I can honestly say that Janner's Strawberry jam is right up there with the very best. In fact, if my local supermarket stocked it, I'd forego my usual choices of Tiptree or Bon Maman and definitely buy a whopping great jar of Janner's.
It has a delightfully sweet taste, but which doesn't overpower the actual flavour of the strawberries themselves. It's also got just the right consistency and texture and spreads nicely without then trying to slide off of its carrier. It's like some kindly old relative who has spent their entire life perfecting the art of jam making, has sent you a jar of their finest work.
In summary - it tastes bloody lovely and has inspired me to go and buy some crumpets. Check out their website to taste for yourself (after purchasing your own jar that is - don't lick your computer or phone screen as that will just taste like a mixture of dust and your fingers).
And if anyone would like to send me some crumpets to review, please feel free to send them on.
The same goes for anyone who owns a Mercedes garage, a video game shop or an escort agency (as in ladies whom one pays by the hour for their 'company', not as in the ropey old predecessor to the Ford Mondeo) - feel free to send me your product samples too.
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