Barking

Hurrow! My name is Harry and I am dog. I am in the photogruff up there with my boy. I am the one with the lovely thick hair and the fresher breath.

My boy tell me that uveryday on Twitter, people say to him, ‘who is that luverly handsome fellow in your avi?’. Obviously he realise they not talk about him. So I fort it be grrreat idea to write guest blog post to introduce myself properly.

My boy duz not know what I am doing here. He at wurk right now, earning money for bones and cakes and squeaking toys that I destroy after only wurn minute.

While he out, I like to use compooter to look at pictures of fluffy poodles and watch video of bad things happening to all the cats. My favourrite wurn is when lady put cat inside the wheelybin. It make me barrk a lot because I don’t like cats. Or crrazy mad ladies. Or bins.

It verrry hard to type properrly on stupid little Apple keyboard though so please furgive bad spells. Still betterer at this than my boy though.

Although I look friendly in photogruff, I am actually very angry with strangers. Why you walk past my house? Why you put bits of paper through my leterrbox? When I furnally get to knows you, I make good frriend. But until that time, I will bite off of your face.

You can speed up the frriending process by giving me treats (note: not the little chocolate sweets with the peanut. Not allowed chocolate. Bad dog. On your bed).

Wurn of my bestest skill is weeeing on lampost. I don’t mean to boast, but I have bestest, most dominant smelling wee in all neighbourrhood. Even when I have weed out all of the wee, somehow I finds just a drop more to make sure everyone knows this here is my lampost buddy.

But when it cold and wet outside of the doors, I prefurs to use our indoor toileting facilities. Why go and get all cold wet when just a short trot to kitchen lets one get relieved in warm condition whilst enjoying nice cooking smell?

My boy Toby is prretty good boy to look after. Most of time he do what I say. Sometimes I even let him sit on the furrniture, but if he bad, I makes him sit on floor. I often share his foods, but neverr let him eat from my bowl. It just not hygeenic.

I used to sleep on his bed, but he move arround too much and he snore and he scream out fings like “I come to get you Kelly Brook!” or “But why can’t I wear your clothes mum?”. So nowadays I sleep on my own bed nice and peas fully. At least he can not blame me for his farting now.

I must be going now. I have not yet done today’s Times crossword or barrked at the cars outside. My boy be home soon and then I have to pretend to listen about his day. I try and nod, but usually go sleep.

If you have any questions for me, please get in touch. I verry clever and wise and know stuff. Just don’t tell my boy I did this post. *wags tail*